Mask Up for Human Kindness

Our nation is fighting over wearing a mask. Meanwhile people are dealing with life issues, cancer, mental health crisis, Covid and many other ailments and diseases. Someone is still dealing with the loss of a loved one from death, loss due to incarceration, loss due to finances, loss of housing and food... I could go on... 

Meanwhile, folks are upset because someone suggested wearing a mask (temporarily)...Trivial in the grand scheme of things! Just my observation and opinion. 

Do you...but be aware that there are more things way more important to worry about! 

D.e.s.s.e.r.t.s...

D.E.S.S.E.R.T.S spelled backwards is S.T.R.E.S.S.E.D

WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?

Someone very dear to me caught my attention as we were having a conversation recently. She told me, "I'm going home, get in my bed, and eat this bag of cookies." She went on to tell me that lately all she does is eat sweets; it makes her feel better. When I questioned why she was eating so much she said, "Stress! My job is stressing me out. These crazy children are stressing me out. I just want to get in my bed, eat my sweets, and not be bothered by anyone." I was immediately reminded of the word D.E.S.S.E.R.T.S.  She used desserts to help ease her stressed situation.

The dictionary defines stress as physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension. At some point in our lives, we will all deal with stress.  It can take a toll on us in various ways. Stress can cause us to do things we normally would not do. It can cause us to shut down completely. The way we deal with it depends on who we are individually. I handle stressful situations differently than you, and you differently from another person. We are all wired differently and process things in a way that only we know how at that given moment. There are many days we struggle trying to cope with the drama and issues that come from our jobs, our health, or what may be going on in our families.  God created us and knows that because of our fallen nature we sometimes allow stress to rule our lives. Everyone suffers from stress at one time or another. In fact, research shows that children who live in a stressful home environment are at a higher risk to become stressed by life’s challenges. It can come out in the form of behavior problems at school, disobedience, and rebellion. There are more and more cases of children as young as age 3 dealing with anxiety and depression.

Lifting our burdens and concerns to a holy and righteous God daily will erase the stress in our lives.
Many people become stressed, in my opinion, because they don’t trust God to provide the basic necessities of life. Jesus said in Mathew 6:25,27 not to be anxious for anything. Don't worry about what you will eat, drink, what clothes you have. Life is about more than that.  People stress over money because they never seem to feel that there is enough of it. They worry about making ends meet, often living paycheck to paycheck. Or they become consumed by materialism (keeping up with the Jones') and in turn, become stressed out about maintaining a lifestyle they couldn't afford anyway. Being materialistic leads to stress because we believe the lie that material things relieve stress and lead to happiness, contentment, and joy. But guess what? They do not! If you are one of those people who will not be outdone by your friend or neighbor, remember, What God has for You, is for You! In due season you will reap all that God has promised you, but don't let it stress you out in the meantime. What is worrying and stressing going to do other than make you sick?

The Bible gives us clear answers on how we should deal with stress, worry, and anxiety. Many people turn to food as a way to cope with stress. Others turn to the use of drugs. Some turn to alcohol. Others smoke cigarettes or let it drive you back to smoking when you've given up this habit before. Some wake up in the middle of the night and post on Facebook, "I can't sleep". They then play on their phone, or play on the internet and end up paying for it the next day because they didn't get enough rest. "So what am I supposed to do?"... I'm glad you asked...  Sit quietly or go for a walk listening for His voice. Cry out to Him in desperation. Read His Word, the Bible. Get on your knees and pour out our hearts to Him in prayer. When we do this, He promises that He will give us rest. God knew that Jesus was our remedy for stress … not drugs, food, alcohol, or Facebook. 

We Desperately Need Him:  John 14:1 says, "Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.” We desperately need Him in our lives. We need Him because He is the only one who can give us the strength to cope with the troubles in our lives. Believing in Him does not mean that we will have a trouble-free life or that we will not succumb to stress in our lives. It simply means that a life without Jesus Christ makes coping with stress an impossible and very difficult task to do.

Believing leads to trusting. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.” Leaning on “our own understanding” often means handling stress the way the world says.
A Few Questions to Think About:

• Who do you call or turn to when you feel stressed and burdened?
• If you look to Jesus, what way do you do it to ensure it is personal and meaningful?
• How do you feel when you turn to Him?

 I remember a particular season in my life when things were spiraling out of control. The stress of that situation had me in bondage. I didn't know which way to turn, so I often called my best friends to fill them in. They would give me advice saying, "girl, if I were you I would....." I remember during that very dark time going to the doctor for one thing, but by the time I had left, he noticed I was stressed. He gave me some samples of a mild anti-depressant that I could take when I felt I needed to relax. I remember vividly saying to that doctor, that I don't need an anti-depressant, I have Jesus!  I left the prescription laying on the table because I had made up in my mind that the situation didn't have me. I made the decision to trust God's Word.  The word of God is our ultimate guide to a stress-reduced life. David says, “I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4). David knew that by seeking the Lord and sharing his troubles with Him that perhaps he would find favor with Him. The Lord in turn answered him and calmed him down.

The stress of all kinds is a natural part of life.  How we choose to deal with it is up to us. If we choose to try to do it on our own we face a long, uphill battle that will not end well. The only way we can deal with stress is with Jesus Christ, first by believing in Him. Without believing in Him we are on our own, which makes coping with stress almost impossible. Second, we need to trust Him and obey Him. We should trust Him to do what is right because His ways are always best for us. Disobedience and sin can produce stress and cut us off from the only means of peace and joy. By obeying His commandments we reap the blessings of true contentment from a loving God. Finally, we need to seek His peace daily by filling our minds with His Word, lifting all things to Him in prayer, and sitting at His feet in awe and reverence. It is only by His grace, mercy, and love that the stress in our lives can be managed.
Make a decision today to trust God, not D.E.S.S.E.R.T.S


 References:

http://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-stress.html. Retrieved February 21, 2012

Drew Fletcher and Brandon Cox. http://www.faithandhealthconnection.org/weekly-health-scripture-matthew-1128-30-jesus-on-stress-management/. Retrieved

February 21, 2012

Stuff Happens

Stuff Happens

Gloria Calhoun, M.Ed.

Life has a way of throwing curveballs especially when we least expect them. You may have had specific plans of how you wanted your life to turn out. Maybe you wanted to be married before having children, or you planned to have a house with a white picket fence. Perhaps you have been healthy all your life and suddenly you're diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. Possibly you had plans of finishing school to get your dream job but had to take a detour on pursuing your degree. Even when it feels as though you keep getting what seems to be the short end of the stick, know that God has a purpose and plan for your life.

At your most embarrassing and lowest point in life, you may find yourself asking, "Lord, why me?" Have you considered that the Lord  could be asking, " Why not you?" There are some things that God will allow to happen in your life designed to mold you into who he wants you to be. It's like working out and getting physically fit.  In order to see results, more weight and more resistance have to be added in order to get the desired outcome. We have to go through something in order to get to our destiny. In order for flowers or grass to grow beautifully, the soil needs fertilizer to help refine the process. Just as fertilizer stinks, so can the difficulties of life.  Although it may seem hard, we must trust God's will to be done and know that things happen for a reason. It may not make sense at the moment, but nothing just happens.

Once you've gone through and overcome a trial, share your experience with others. We are blessed to be a blessing.  Someone else's breakthrough may be attached to your struggle. You are probably thinking, "let them go through their own stuff, I don't want this pressure".  You'd be surprised that at your weakest moment, it can help someone going through something similar. Remember, no test, no testimony. 

Stuff will happen in your life, if it hasn't already; keep living.  Everyone will have both good and bad days.  However, in your darkest hour; even when it seems the most frustrating, try to muster up the strength to look to God, trust him, and never give up. It was never said that there wouldn't be trials and trouble in our lives. Nonetheless, you can hold fast to the notion that weeping only lasts for a while and your joy will come again if you keep pressing forward. 

Socially Distanced: This Can't Be Good!

Socially Distanced... This Can't Be Good!

Gloria Calhoun, M.Ed.

Due to the global Coronavirus pandemic, social distancing has become the way that we interact with each other; from six feet away and in smaller groups. While I understand why its recommended, I have a personal concern about the detrimental effects this could have on society as we scramble to embrace a new normal.

New technology has affected how we relate to people. Going into a store to purchase essential items is frightening. Everyone is avoiding touching each other. Masks are hiding the smiles which have typically been the universal way to communicate.  We are now being encouraged more than ever to learn new ways to communicate and interact with one another, not through in person contact, but digitally.  Many are resorting to using social media and video conferencing as a way to stay connected.  Unfortunately, a computer screen will never be able to replace a touch on the hand or a pat on the back.  Despite the benefits of digital advancement, it is vital to preserve human touch in order for us truly to thrive. 

Did you know that babies who are daily deprived of touch can die?  If the mother, father, or any other adult in the absence of the parent doesn’t hug, kiss, hold and cuddle the baby for long enough, their development and mental health can be affected and ultimately, their lives! This should prove how vital touch is for human beings.  

Physical contact distinguishes humans from other animals. Shoots, even domestic animals thrive interaction from a human. I own a cockatiel who is a very social animal.  Its been a while since I really interacted with him and it shows.  The less interaction, the more aggressive he gets. I was sitting at my computer the other day when my bird decided to exit his cage and fly towards me. I took off running because I hate it when he flies over my head. After running frantically away from my precious feather baby,  I later figured out that he wasn’t trying to attack me, but he was simply trying to come perch on my shoulder. He was longing for my attention. With the social distance requirement orders that are in place, sometimes I feel like Mango the cockatiel.  I want to break the rules and proceed to embrace a friend or shake someone’s hand. Why? Because humans long for physical touch.  It is proven that the absence of physical bonding and healthy attachments may result in lifelong emotional disturbances. 

My hope for the future after this evil COVID-19 is over and done is that we do not lose our sense of humanity. I pray that people will get connected or reconnect to our creator.  A lot of times when people go through trying times, the first instinct is to distance themselves from God.  My fear is that people will continue to distance themselves from each other which could send many into a spiral of depression and social deprivation. However, by remaining connected to our Lord it will help to overcome any all things because He conquered death, hell and the grave just for us. Continue to pray and keep that heavenly connection. Its where our help comes from!

Working From Home When The Kids Are Home From School

Working From Home When The Kids Are Home From School

Gloria Calhoun, M.Ed.

Due to the outbreak of the Coronavirus and the spread of COVID-19, thousands of schools have been closed and millions of children throughout the US are out of school using digital learning to complete school work. Many jobs are allowing their employees to work from home to prevent the spread of the virus. While working from home is regular practice for some, it may be new to many others.

I work for a company that provides the opportunity to work from home.  Over the years, I've learned a few things that may help to make it a tad bit easier.   

Conference calls and online meetings can be difficult. Sometimes it seems that as soon as I dial the access code, my kids (the young and the older ones) have tons of questions or they need something. First, understand and accept that kids will be kids. Unfortunately, they don’t understand that when mom and dad are at home working, that it is not party time.  Take time to explain to them that you have to work and can't play and watch Ravens Home all day.

Talk to your kids before you begin your virtual meeting to explain that this is the way you will do your work for a while. I can almost guarantee that there will be constant interruptions that will cause you to lose your concentration. As much as you may want to put earplugs in your ears and zone out, you have to make sure that you are aware of what your kids are doing and learn to multitask to ensure they are being supervised while you are completing your work.  Let them know that you love being home with them, but be sure to have clear expectations in place so they know what to expect from you and how they are expected to behave. 

If you are required to participate in a meeting using conference call or video (FaceTime, Zoom, WebEx etc), here are a few tips:

• Pay attention to your background. Try to have a plain wall behind you as to not distract the other participants. If this is not possible, at least be sure that your area is tidy. Others are watching and can see everything behind you which could be a distraction.
• Mind your appearance. Remove your head scarf, brush your hair and put on decent clothes... you will be seen from the waist up. Remember, you are still working and it is expected that you continue to be professional. 
• Mute yourself when you’re not speaking so that any background noise that your kids may be making will be limited. This way if your child decides to scream and laugh loudly or wrestle with their siblings while you're on an important call with your boss, others won’t be able to hear what’s going on in the background.
• Plan to have activities available to keep your child busy. Set a timer for the length of your meeting. Let your child know that when they hear the alarm, your meeting is over.  When the timer goes off, take a break and spend a few minutes of quality time with your kiddos. Give them a special treat for being so patient.

Employers, if you have staff who are new to working from home, consider offering a little grace. It takes a lot to adjust to the transition from an office setting to a home office especially with kids at home. Don't forget, their kids are using digital learning for instruction while they are out of school.  It is very likely that they will need mom and dad to help with assignments which will result in multiple interruptions. It will be unreasonable to expect your employees to stare at a computer all day and remain engaged while their kids are cooped up in the house for several weeks.  Give your workers time to make sure things are settled before they are expected to hop on a call. Most of all, trust them to complete the work and be supportive through this transition.  

Interesting days ahead as we adjust to a new normal!

Author Gloria Calhoun

Do You Fear God?

By: Gloria Calhoun, M.Ed.

What rules your life, the fear of God or the fear of man? Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe (Proverbs 29:25).

A person who fears God is one whose decisions are guided by God. To fear God means to take Him at His word, knowing that he will follow through on all his promises. 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30). A person who is ruled by the fear of man is one whose decisions are dictated by what other people think. Such a person is a people pleaser. One ruled by the fear of man will repeatedly base decisions on questions like, "How does this make me look? Do you think they'll like it? What if they don't approve?" It is certainly not wrong to ask for input from other people (indeed, it's wise to seek feedback from others); however, it is foolish for your decisions to be guided more by feedback from others than by feedback from God.

There are many verses in the Bible that clearly show the advantage of being someone whose life is guided by the fear of the Lord. Blessed is the man who fears the Lord (Psalm 112:1) Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life (Proverbs 22:4). The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Psalm 111:10). He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children, it will be a refuge. The fear of the Lord is the foundation of life (Proverbs 14:26-27).

If you want the fear of God to guide your life, then base your actions on questions like, "what does God think about this? Would God approve of this? or Would I do this if Jesus were right here watching me?" He is... He sees all!!

If you want your life to be blessed, let it be ruled by the fear of God. This fear is a sincere reverence for God. How much do you fear Him?

Excerpts retrieved from Church Bulletin March 8, 2009, Greater New Fellowship Missionary Baptist Church